I wanna go back to nursing school!

This is one of the reasons I get so frustrated sometimes. I watch tv, I watch ER, I know more than they do(like that's so difficult but still), when I had my surgeries I was telling the nurses what to do and THEY WERE LISTENING!! I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT! LISTENING TO ME! A NOBODY WHO'S ABOUT TO GO UNDER THE KNIFE! Yet they knew I knew my stuff. (or maybe they were just humoring me, I can't decide. I could be wrong but maybe I'm not but then again, ok, i'll shut up now) I can't get the money together to pay off my old college debt, enroll in college again, pay my tuition and books and get on with my god damn life as a nurse. It's all I've ever wanted since I was a kid. Well, that and to be a gymnast and world class figure skater but one out of three ain't bad is it? My mom is a nurse, her mom was a nurse, my dad's mom is/was a nurse, I got nurses coming out of my ears but not me, God is holding me back and I've tried everything to move forward. I've tried finding a job, saving money, doing everything humanly possible yet I can't get up the gumption or the funds to make that one thing in my life I want so bad a reality. My grandmother on my dad's side even said she would help with the cost as soon as I went back but I have to pay off the stupid original debt first and I just can't find a way to make that happen. And to top it all off there is a growing nursing shortage in this country so I know one more nurse in this world would be more than welcome and I know I would be damn good at it. Every time I think of this I just wanna be like Paul Sheldon in Misery and type fuckfuckfuck over and over again. Im trapped in a mobius strip of a life and it's so frustrating. Did I say that already? Well, then I really am frustrated. I hate saying things twice and being redundant. It's annoying.
oh lord how long am I to bear with me?

I need some sleep.